They came, they saw and they left us all in stitches

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Bumula MP Bifwoli Wakoli. Photo/FILE  NATION

By ALPHONCE SHIUNDU ashiundu@ke.nationmedia.com
Posted  Saturday, January 12  2013 at  00:30

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The Tenth Parliament had by far the most exciting lot of men and women ever to be elected to the august House.

From mischievous amendments to ethnic and political grandstanding, MPs turned debate into a comedy of errors.

Take Bifwoli Wakoli for instance. The man who was among the first MPs to declare interest in the presidency never missed an opportunity to leave the House in stitches.

Defending contentious cultural practices during debate on the draft constitution in 2010, the Bumula MP said:

“Where I come from, there are very few men who are circumcised when they are dead. We circumcise those who do not want to as long as they belong to our community. A man who is born a Bukusu, has no choice, but must be circumcised. Why were you born a Bukusu if you do not want to be circumcised? You go where you want. I hold this one with passion. Why should you legislate against the culture of the people? Surely, it is wrong.”

On the abortion clause:

“…Some people are saying that life starts at conception, surely — God knew me before my mother and dad met, yet you are telling me that life started when my mother and dad went to bed. I do not believe that because God told me that he knew me before I was born. It was my right to be born and not my mother’s decision to give birth to me. It was my right and that is why God put me in her womb. Her responsibility was to carry and bring me to this world, and not to terminate me at will. You must delete this. This idea of abortion is not there. Why should you have appetite if you are not ready to chew something that you can carry? Those who do not want to reproduce do not have sex. That is the truth. Why do you have it and at the same time say that you do not want to have a child? What were you looking for when you went to bed?”

But it is during the debate on the suitability of Mumo Matemu, Jane Onsongo, and Irene Keino to lead the Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission that MPs gave the word passion new meaning.

This commission was going to rid the country of greedy public officials and wayward citizens who are keen to take shortcuts, pay bribes, and loot public coffers. A parliamentary committee rejected the nominees after having interviewed them. The committee said they lacked the necessary passion, drive and interest to lead the fight against corruption.

This did not go well with others who accused the committee of over exerting itself. Hear them:

“For once, two ladies were picked for nomination to a commission against one man and then you tell us in three sentences, very casually, that they have no passion. A passion of a woman is never seen during the day.” — Rachel Shebesh, nominated MP.

“This word has been brought here today; ‘passion’ for the job. There is no ‘passion-o-meter’ with which we can measure how somebody is passionate about his job. This is because it is something which is fluid; something you cannot hold and say; ‘now this is called passion’… What I know is in this report is passion, which cannot be measured. The report also talks about sufficient interest in fighting corruption. I do not know how you measure that sufficient interest but it does not matter…” — Immigration Minister Otieno Kajwang’.

“I am also wondering whether there is any degree or PhD that somebody can get, so that he can have passion; do we have, for example, a BA in passion? There is absolutely nothing like that. … What does the Committee have to measure this interest? My colleague talked about passionmeter. Is there an interestmeter too?” — Mr Jamleck Kamau (Kigumo).

On police brutality:

“I have a permanent big mark around my private parts area because when I went to Maringo Ward within my constituency to discharge my parliamentary and constituency duties, I was pinched by the police, who arrested me, using big pliers!

Mr. Speaker, Sir, with your permission, I am ready to step on this table and remove my trousers for the Minister to confirm that my allegations are genuine… I have put it clearly to the Minister that I have a permanent mark around my ‘dipstick’ within my private parts. The Minister should tell this House whether the Ministry will compensate me or it will take action against the police,” –Mike Sonko Gideon Mbuvi (Makadara)